i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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