I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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