Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We had to coat check the pizza.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize