Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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