i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
