I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
