I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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