Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I want her autograph on my taint
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
