My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize