i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."