Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just high enough for therapy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life