No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS