I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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