he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
