a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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