no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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