Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
