guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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