Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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