My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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