I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
