A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
