people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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