I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
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Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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