I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're like the curious george of whores
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love you. Go after that dick
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
