yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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