She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize