My nipple is on Facebook.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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