is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
