she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
