I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
