you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
