The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
