one two three fourrrrnication!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
