Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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