a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Congratulations! We have a period
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