She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
