I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize