I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
