Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still dying that you shit outside
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
