he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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