Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
