Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
