is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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