were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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