Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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