But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
