The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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