Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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