Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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