Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
