And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
