either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
