And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
