Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
