this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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