Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please come you make the beer taste better
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I think i got beer on your cat.
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