Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
