My first STD was from a foam party
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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