I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
