Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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