well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
