I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
