i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
