The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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