she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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